Swaziland at U12

Hello there,

I doubt anyone still reads this blog, but I thought this would be an appropriate way to reflect on the message I think I received tonight.  It's also a place for me to record, either just in case I forget, or more likely, if God sends me further affirmation or dissuades me regarding this.

It is the second and half day of Urbana 2012 in St. Louis, Missouri.  Tonight we heard about Caregivers in Swaziland, local volunteers who, driven by the love of God, take care of those who are sick with HIV.  They have no medical training beyond what might be provided by organizations such as World Vision, and have no supplies beyond that provided by the same organizations.  They live in poverty, not only materially but also spiritually.  And surely they see the kingdom of God.

I was moved very nearly to tears by the presentation, which focused around a particular Caregiver named Shortie.  The pinnacle was when our MC, Greg Jao, went backstage during a film about her and returned with none other than Shortie herself.  She received a very well-deserved standing ovation from all 16,000 attendees.

The main activity was creating 32,000 care kits filled with basic medical supplies, to be shipped to aid the Caregivers on the front lines.  I felt a number of emotions at the time.  I felt guilty, that here we are, sitting comfortably, well-fed and healthy, while human beings with as much dignity as we are suffering and dying in sub-human conditions in places like Africa.  I felt annoyed, that we were treating this exercise with such frivolity, singing and dancing and chatting as if Shortie's sacrifice had not meant anything to us.  I was contemplative, asking myself whether I could in fact sell everything I have and give it to the poor for the sake of following Jesus -- and to my great shame, I could not.  I felt useless, because I could not do much beyond providing gifts to the people of Africa.  But perhaps there is a place for me here too?  If Shortie -- illiterate, uneducated Shortie -- could become a Caregiver, could I live among the poorest people in the world and be their Caregiver?

Sovereign Lord, your servant awaits your plans in his life.

Matthew

Romans 11: 1-10

Has God rejected His people? 

Aside from the interesting story about Elijah I read in an attempt to understand what Paul is saying here more, this was the one question that burned as soon as I began to read.  Unsuprisingly, I suffer from an intense feeling of guilt when it comes to falling short of God's glory.  I've mentioned it several times in past posts.  One Bible verse that scares me the most is Ephesians 4:30 "And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God."  The question that comes to mind is "will I ignore God's call for me to change so much that God gives up on me?  Will God reject me?"

Salvation by grace is re-affirmed here.  Paul states that "And if by grace, then it is no longer by works; if it were, grace would no longer be grace."  I am amazed at how often I need to be reminded of the simplest truths of Christianity, but here it is:  I have been saved, I am saved, and I will be saved not because of anything I did, but because God had reserved for himself a portion (Paul talks about Israel here, but a portion of humanity is also applicable) through grace.

But what about those who try so hard to please God?  People like Israel, who earnestly sought God but did not obtain a relationship with him?  Isn't that unfair?  It's a danger for Christians (read: me) too.  Jesus doesn't want Marthas (though I'm sure Jesus still ate her food).  Rather, Jesus truly delights in Marys. 

So I think the lesson here is to trust in God.  Trust that God has truly saved me by his grace, and not strive to cheapen the salvation by thinking I could get a relationship with God by buying him candy.